What's this feeling? [Gav/Ryan]

I lay on the grass looking up at the sky and listening to my Mp3 player. I nodded along to the music and hummed quietly to myself. I felt the sun on my skin and I smiled to myself. It was nice to just sit there in the quiet and take in the sun for myself. It had been a few days since going to Tom's house to meet Bill. Ever since then I had been feeling a little down and depressed. Tom just looked so happy with Bill and they were so in love that it made me sad to know that everyday I went home alone and spent my time alone. I had no one to feel close to or anything like that. I sighed a little but kept listening to my music. My eyes were closed so the sun wouldn't make me blind and I was almost falling asleep.

I rubbed my shoulder as I went out of my house, locking the door behind me. My parents were gone since a while now and I had nothing to do. In fact I had planned to just give a peek over Gav's place before going to the cinema. I hummed lightly, fixing my hair as I was walking outside before seeing someone in the park, lying on the grass. I, kinda, giggled before walking quickly but very quietly over him, smiling big. I had right! It was Gavin, and now that he didn't noticed me, I was going to have fun! My voice was masculin, but not that much so taking a girly voice was a bit hard. But moaning wasn't that difficult... I sniggered to myself before bending down, kissing Gavin's neck many times with 'girly's whines'.

'' Hmm.... ''

I slidded one hand under the collar of Gav' to be able to stroke his muscles, smiling in my head. He was going to freak out so much!!

I was still listening to my music until one of the earbuds fell out of my ear. I didn't bother putting it back in. I was too relaxed to move. All of a sudden I felt something on my neck. Soft kissing that made me shiver a little. A hand slid down the front of my shirt and I could hear sweet giggles in my ear. I chuckled a little before opening my eyes and yelling.

"Holy shit Ryan what are you doing!" I shouted as I jumped up and backed away from him.

Ryan was always fucking around with me like that. He knew I wasn;t gay but he never minded getting up close and personal with me nonetheless. I eyes him a little waiting for an explanation. What was annoying was that it felt really good.

I laughed hard when he jumped up, asking me what I was doing. In fact he yelled it, but anyway. I crossed my arms, kinda pouting.

'' Oh come oon!! You know I have a crush on you since... since we know eachother!! '' I said before sitting on the grass, '' Anyway, what were you doing in the park like this? Oh and I'll stalk you for a while, alriiight?? '' I asked him.

I lay back on the ground, humming happily. I think I would forget about the cinema and just talk with Gav'.

Ryan laughed and said that he had a crush on me then he lay down on the grass. He told like 8 times a day that he had a crush on me. I never thought about it because i wasn't into guys like that so I just hummed a little and lay down beside him,

"Nothing, I was just lying there thinking," I said a little sadly.

It was nice to at least be able to hang out with someone that I was comfortable around. At least I could be comfortable around him and just relax.

I looked over gavin, smiling before lifting an eyebrow when he told me he was only thinking.

'' About what? Oh beside did you meet Tom's boyfriend? Well Tom is your friend and mine now! '' I chuckled happily.

I pulled at some grass, throwing them at Gavin, laughing like an idiot.

'' Muah ha ha !! '' I laughed.

He asked me what I was thinking about and if I met Tom's boyfried or not. I nodded a little and frowned.

"I was thinking about them actually. Yeah I met him, he's really nice," I chuckled a little and bit my lip sighing.

Though I was really happy that Tom had found the person that he loved I was still a little annoyed. He had always been the one that said he didn't need to settle down and find the person he wanted to spend his life with and it annoyed me that he was the first person to find them. I had always wanted to find that kind of relationship. I had been with only 3 girls in my whole life because our relationships were always really long.

Ryan threw some grass at me and I hummed. I wasn't really in the mood for playing a round like that. I shouldn't really take it out on Ryan though.

'' Pffff!!! '' I did as Gav' only hummed when I had throw grass on him, '' Come ooon!! You're boring!! '' I said while sitting up, coming closer to him before starting to tickle his ribs.

He seemed to think to much right now, so a little tickling time shouldn't be bad, right? I laughed and tickled Gavin the more I was able to, smiling big at the same time.

'' Smile a little you're scaring me!! ''

Ryan came over and started ticking my saying I was boring. I grunted and pushed him off a little. I was generally up for a laugh and a joke but right now I wasn't feeling up for it. Maybe I just needed to get laid or something, but whatever it was was putting me in a hell of a bad mood. I rolled my eyes at him and lay back down.

"Hey, I', not in the mood right now," I sighed a little and put my hands over my eyes groaning a little loud.

It was annoying. I hated feeling like this. Usually I could just push past it and forget about it but just seeing Tom smile at Bill over and over in my head made me want to rip my hair out.

As I was tickling him, Gav' only pushed me a little, saying he wasn't in the mood right now. I moved away lightly, sitting back correctly on the grass. I didn't know what to do to make him smile or joke around like he was usually doing.

'' You don't wanna go shopt or something? '' I proposed him, '' Come on, you can't say no to this, can you?? '' I laughed, pushing his shoulder a little.

Ryan moved away and proposed that we go shopping. Surprisingly I had no interest in going anywhere. I really just want to stay there and feel sorry for myself. I knew I shouldn't take it out on Ryan but I couldn't help it. He was an easy target, simply because he was there.

"No I don't want to..." I huffed.

I didn't look at Ryan's face but I guessed he must have been shocked. In the whole time he has known me I have never EVER said that I didn't want to go shopping.

"Sorry Ry' I'm a little depressed. It annoyed me seeing Tom so happy with Bill. I guess I just want to find someone...or maybe I just need a fuck, I don't know!" I grunted a little and hit the floor with my fist.

I looked at him who said that he didn't wanted to go shop. Wow... Gav', not shopping? I laughed, smiling big.

'' Oh I bet you wouldn't say no! What about I pay you something, hmm?? '' I chuckled.

When he replied to me about feeling depressed only because Tom and Bill were togheter made me laugh.

'' No? Seriously? '' I laughed, '' Hey Gavin, you have many time left to find the great person! But if you want a fuck I'm free!! '' I laugehd more, smiling big.

Ryan laughed a little and offer to pay for something for me and as tempting as that was I still didn't want to go. I shook my head and groaned a little. He did sound amused about my feelings of being alone. I huffed a little and then when he said he was free for a fuck my shoulders tensed. Why did that sound as interesting as it did? Why did that not freak me out as much as it should have. I wanted to turn around and freak out telling him I wasn't gay and blah blah blah but I didn't. I stayed silent. I bit my lip and wondered if it was wrong not to answer him. What was he gonna think?

I kept smiling big as I was laughing before Gavin shook his head. He didn't want me to pay him something? He was really depress so. I proposed him to have a fuck, in a 'joke' like always, but I was lightly shocked when he didn't replied to me. What did he mean while not answering me? I felt my heart starting to pump a little bit more quick before I nibbled at my lips, looking over Gav'.

'' Hum... You wanna have a fuck with me? '' I asked, grabbing the edge of my shit tightly with one hand.

I was nervous to know his answer.

I heard Ryan's voice change and I slapped myself mentally. I knew he would take something from my silence. He asked me more seriously if I wanted to fuck him and I bit my lip. I sat up and gave an awkward laugh.

"No, of course not!" I stumbled.

It didn't sound a little bit convincing. I was trying to be a serious as I could but the idea didn't seem horrible to me right now. Maybe it was the way I feeling or maybe it was just curiosity. I didn't know. But the other thing was it was Ryan, What if we did and it was weird between us. I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. Shit...

I looked up at Gavin when he stood up, laughing awkwardly and saying that he didn't want to. I bite my lips and stood up too, still looking at him.

'' Seriously Gav'... I mean you know I'm serious when I say I would like to do it with you, no? Like I'm telling you all the time,I have a crush on you since many years... '' I sighed before kicking a little rock with my shoe.

Maybe he really didn't want to do it with me, but seeing the way he was acting, I had doubt about him beeing only into girls. I came lcoser to Gavin, taking a breath.

'' Honnestly... Do you think you could do it one time with me? I told you many times I had doubt about you only liking girls... If you don't like it, then we'll stop! Alright? '' I proposed him, playing nervously with my fingers.

Normally I wasn't stressed when it was about sex, but right now it was about Gavin and I couldn't joke about this.

Ryan looked up at me and stood up biting his lips. He told me that he was serious about fucking me and the fact that he had a crush on me for ages. He really did have a crush on me. That I knew and have known ever since a few years ago. The second I found out he never stopped reminding me, though it was usually in a joking way the way he said it then was serious and said from the heart.

Shit!

He fumbled around with he foot a little and then came closer to me. He asked me if I would fuck him, just for the experience and if I didn't like it that we could stop. It sounded so interesting and I just wanted to say yes but my body wasn't letting me. I looked him up and down. He was actually a really good looking guy. He was physically fit and manly but his features were soft too. I dug my nails into my fingers as I looked at him and sighed. Why did I want to do this? I'm straight, I shouldn't want to fuck one of my best friends.

"I..um.." I mumbled.

I took a step so I was close to him now. I put my hand out, which was shaking, and put it on his hip. I flexed my fingers a little and my whole body was tense. I had no idea what I was doing and I was wondering why this was so awkward.

I waited for atleast 5 minutes before Gavin looked at me from up to down. I nibbled at my lips, then he mumbled something before taking a step forward, placing his hand on my hip. I shivered, smiling a little. I had hopped that Gav' would one day touch me and it was happenning. Okay, it wasn't the way I wanted him to touch me, but atleast he was touching a little my hip. I felt my heart racing in my chest for the first time in my life. I never had been so nervous like this. I slided my hand along his body lightly, shivering as I placed one hand on the back of his neck, the other one slidding a little under his shirt. I stroked the skin with my fingertips, gulping.

'' Can I...? '' I asked, bitting my lips.

As I touched Ryan's hip he looked at me and smiled a little.He slid his hand along my body and rested it at the back of my neck, the other one sliding a little under my shirt stroking the skin on my stomach a little. I gulped a little. It was strange that I knew it was Ryan that was touching me and yet it didn't feel terrible. He had really soft hands. My body felt really weird. It was a nice feeling and yet still very strange. I couldn't believe that it was Ryan that was touching me right now. I had always joked with him about not liking guys or fucking him because he liked me or what ever. He bit his lip and asked could he. I didn't know what he meant but everything in my body told me to say yes. I nodded humming a quiet ::"Yes."

When Gavin replied me a 'yes' I shivered, moving closer to him. I felt his lips brushing mines as I had moved my head more closer to his, then I looked in his eyes before moving my eyes over his lips.

'' Okay... '' I mumbled.

I closed my eyes before pressing my lips lightly on Gavin's ones, pressing a little my hand on the back of his neck.

Ryan moved closer and I got that he was gong to kiss me. I felt his lips against mine and I gasped a little. He looked into my eyes and then to my lips before closing his eyes and pressing his lips onto mine properly. For a few minutes I didn't do anything. I didn't kiss back. I just looked at him kissing me. Eventually my body relaxed and I moved my other hand to his other hip and closed my eyes kissing him back.

His lips are as soft as his skin and I tightened my grip on his hips. I could feel his muscles through his shirt and though I would have thought that that would freak me out it actually didn't. It was surprisingly sexy.

I slidded my tongue between his lips when he finally kissed me back and smiled, feeling his hands tightenning their grip on my hips. I hummed in pleasure, tilting lightly my head to deeper the kiss before slidding my hand on his stomach, then his chest to stroke the skin. After 1 minute I pulled away, resting my forehead on his, panting lightly.

'' So... we go where...? '' I asked Gavin before kissing him again.

Ryan slipped his tongue between mine and I was a little shocked but I kissed him back and slid my tongue along his. It actually felt much better than I had expected it be. His hands slid over my body a little more and I tried so hard not to moan a little but I couldn't help it. He pulled away a little and rested his head against mine and I looked into his amazing brown eyes. He asked where we should go and I swallowed hard flushing.

God this is actually happening...

I didn't answer for a moment. Where could we go? It would be weird doing it in his room, where we hung out and my parents were at home. There really wasn't anywhere but...

"Um, do you....wanna...eh, a hotel?" I said embarrassed.

I wasn't new to sex and I knew well that Ryan wasn't either, but it was still gonna be really strange.

I gulped lightly as he proposed we go in a hotel and nodded, kissing his lips once. I had finally kissed him! It was a dream who was coming real, though maybe it will end badly, so I couldn't be happy yet. I moved away, nibbling at my lips before picking up my stuffs as Gavin did it too, then we walked for a while before arriving to the place.

'' We act cool alright?? '' I said, flushing lightly knowing I was actually going to do it with Gavin, then entered the hotel, yelling a :: '' Hey dude!! It's your fault if our gilrfriends have kicked us out! So shut up! '' I groaned, asking the girl for a random room.

I had come here sometimes and I knew that the room 134 was one with a double bed, so we would be fine.

'' You sleep on the couch man! '' I said quickly before going upstairs.

We got to the hotel and Ryan put on a really good show. He said how our girlfriends had kicked us out and so on. He asked for a room and headed upstairs saying that I would sleep on the couch. I was so nervous. I couldn;t believe that this was actually happening! I never thought that after all that messing with him that I would actually end up in a situation where I would actually be fucking him! I didn't know exactly what to do or how comfortable it was going to be. I would probably really awkward. Maybe this was happening too fast. We got up to the room and before Ryan put the key in the door I stopped him.

"Hey Ry'....I'm not sure....Isn't this too fast, I don't know if I..." I mumbled a little quietly.

I wanted it to happen and then at the same time I didn't. I was just really confused and a little scared.