What do I choose... [PV Tom Trümper] 01

As I stood up he called after me say that it was fine. I smiled in my head turning to take a seat again. Well at least he wasn't angry at me or afraid of me.
He mentioned it being the fourth time we saw each other and I smiled and chuckled a little. He was sexy, but he was incredibly cute. He looked at his phone and nibbled his lips.

Great, he had somewhere to be...nice timing Tom...

"Hey look, if you need to be somewhere you can go but...c-can I give you my number?"

I bounced my leg faster now worried he would think I was coming on too strong. I didn't want to scare him away. He mightn't even be gay. I don't even know if I'm gay!

I felt my cellphone in my pocket, touching it hoping he would say yes.

I was thinking about what to say to mom if I was late again, then heard him talk to me, asking if I wanted his phone number. A guy asking me if I can have his number? I felt my heart beat a little bit faster, trying to not smile big. Well he was straight, but atleast I could have a friend like him. It would be great if I had one. Nodding lightly I pulled out my cellphone again, looking at it.

'' Well I'll give you mine and you'll give me yours? '' I asked while openning my contacts page.

Thinking about it, asking something like that was a bit weird. We looked like two girls now!! I chuckled while giving him my number.

'' Sorry I just thought about something and er... Well it was kinda funny, I think? '' I mumbled.

I grunted as rubbed my face lightly, thinking I was looking idiot right now. Something popped in my head and I looked at him.

'' You have msn? '' I questionned him.

As I bounced my leg fingering my phone through my pocket I saw him nod and I smiled. I pulled my cell from my pocket. Scrolling through his phone he asked if he could give me his number. He was really adorable sometimes. He called out his number laughing a little and I looed at him with a strange smile. He told me he had thought of something funny and I just nodded and smiled. I called out my number to him and he typed it into his phone. When he finished he lifted his head and asked if I had MSN.

I never thought about that...

"Oh yeah I do, my address is Tom_sixpack69@hotmail.com." I said looking a little embarrassed as I told him.

I nibbled my lips as I saved his number and closed my phone. This was working better than I had thought it would be. Maybe he wasn't gay but with his looks he might know other guys that are similar to him.

I'm like a full on fag now! How is this happening!?

I simled lightly as I tiped his phone number in my cellphone and smiled properly when he gave me his msn. It was the first time a guy was actually giving me so much informations about himself. Though this time I had said I wasn't gay... But I hoped that if one day I would tell him I liked boys, that he wouldn't freak out.

'' Em thanks... But yeah I must go, it's already passed 6 o'clock so um... '' I mumbled as I stood ut, placing the money on the table to pay.

Like the baby I was, I wondered if I could talk to him again soon.

'' Do you think we could... talk tonight? Or be on msn? '' I proposed rubbing my neck.

It sounded so weird to as this like that. Wich straigh's boy would question a dude like that so many times? I sighed lightly.

He smiled wide as I told him my MSN and I flushed a little, I would really need to that address. We have barely said anything to each other and I hoped that all this exchange of information would lead to something other than 'sorry for bumping into you blah blah blah...'

I wondered when if he would text me or be online soon. I was pondering over how to bring up the topic of being....gay. It still sounded so weird to think that about myself. I had spent so long ignoring it that I figured I would never act on it. But I'm not gay gay...if I like girls. I'm like that other thing. Where I can fuck both. Bisexual? Yeah, that doesn't sound as bad as bisexual. I could live with that.

As I was lost in my thought Bill stood up paying the money and telling me it was late and he needed to go. I stood up quickly too to say goodbye.

Before I could answer he asked if we could talk tonight on MSN.

YES!!

"Oh, yeah yeah! I can, about 9:00? Is that any good for you?" I asked too excitedly. He would get totally freaked out now, what was I going to do. I was being far too eager.

I was happy that a guy like him would asked to even talk to me. I paid the bills and stood up, asking him if he would be online tonight. His reaction made me blush lightly. Was he only joking about beeing excited as well? I grabbed my bag, rubbing my neck.

'' Well 9 o'clock would be fine, yeah... '' I answered him, plaing with my lips.

If he was only joking about this I won't be so kind. Beeing tricked and manipulated for so long is enough. But he was thinking I was straight, right? I looked back at him again, smiling lightly.

'' So um... talk to you later...? '' I asked.

'I look idiot acting like that', I thought to myself.

He blushed after I had answered him. That's it, he definately thought I was nuts. I won't count on seeing him online tonight. I've just made a fool out of myself for nothing. Crap.

He grabbed his stuff and rubbing his neck.

Great I made him uncomfortable...

He bit his lips a little and told me that nine was fine. I smiled at him and pushed the chair in getting ready to say goodbye to him. He looked up at me and smiled.

'' So um... talk to you later...? '' he asked.

I smiled wide nodding my head quickly.

"Yeah totally!"

Stop acting like a giddy school girl Tom!

I looked at him again and chuckled awkwardly waving as he walked away and I went back to the table with Gavin. He was eating and flicking through a magazine. I sat down with a stupid smile on my face biting at the skin on my thumb. Gavin looked up at me, raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"So It went well I'm guessing?" he asked closing the magazine.

"Oh God Gavin Is it weird that I'm happy." I said nearly singing.

He chuckled a little taking another bite of food.

"So what happened?"

"Well I got his number and I gave him my MSN and no freaking way! I'm talking like a girl! This is ridiculous Gav!!" I finished in a whine.

"Oh shut up Tom," Gavin said putting his fork down, "I've known you since we were 3 years old! Don't freak at me! I'm not gonna tell anyone, just wait 'till you're ready."

I smiled at him and bit my lip.

"I'm gonna IM him later tonight..." I hummed happily.

"Tell me how it goes," Gavin answered with a small smile.

I hummed lightly happily as he waved at me and as I went outside, I started to run over my house who was about 15 minutes away from here. After 3 minutes of running, I calmed down, walking normally again as I panted lightly. I was going to chat with a straight guy. Wondering what we could talk about I grabbed my cellphone, looking at it.

'' Em... ''

I chuckled and walked the rest of the way in silence, a little smile on my lips. That was going to be interesting to chat with a normal guy finally. As I entered my house, mom came downstairs not really happy, my smile dropping a little.

'' Sorry... But I ate in a restaurant I didn't see the time mom '' I said fixing my hair.

She sighed and nodded.

'' Next time be at home at 6pm only, alright? You know I don't like knowing you alone Bill... '' Mom said.

I nodded too and went into my bedroom, taking out my clothes that I bought more sooner to place them in the washing machine in the bathroom. Entering my room again, I plopped on my bed and picked up my cellphone, looking at Tom's number.

'Would it be weird if I write him...?' I thought.

Bitting my lips lightly I tipped him a message, nervous.

// Hi... Just wanted to see if it worked // Bill.

Gavin finished his food and we left the restaurant. It was 6:30. I had taken to looking at my watch every 5 seconds out of excitement. It really was a little pathetic and I thought it would bother Gavin. I looked to him but he merely smiled and shook his head. I walked Gavin home and smiled when he opened the door.

"Hey, thanks Gav..." I said as he walked inside.

He turned to me and smiled again.

"Good luck Tom."

Gavin closed the door and I turned skipping home. As I walked my cellphone beeped. I took it out and looked at the screen.

Message from Bill

I smiled as I opened my cell and read the message. I chuckled at it and replied.

//Hey, it does indeed work I'm glad to hear from you// T

I sent the message and rolled my eyes. Glad to hear from you?? What was that? Oh God...

As I sended it, dad called me to come diner and I placed my cellphone in my pocket, going downstairs inside the kitchen. Mom was already at the table and there was three plates of lasagna.

'' I'm not hungry... I ate at the restaurant '', I chuckled akward.

'' Come on, eat a little Bill '', she replied before starting to eat.

I sighed and sat too, grabbing my fork before taking few bites of the pasta. After 10 minutes, I placed my plate in the fridge into a box and went upstairs back in my room, closing the door and openned quickly my cellphone, looking at the screen.

'Woah... he really answered me..?' I thought while opening the message box, readint the texto and smiled lightly.

//So what's your age? Sorry if I'm asking this =s //Bill.

Why was I asked this anyway? Rolling my eyes, I lied back on my bed, humming.

I put my phone in my pocket and kept walking home smiling the entire way. As I neared my house my phone beeped again. Shoving my hand into my pocket I quickly pulled out my cell. It was from Bill again!

I opened it quickly reading the message.

What age am I...

I smiled at the quesrtion texting him back as I opened my door going into the house.

"Mom, I'm home!" I called as I climbed upstairs.

//No it's fine =) I'm 18. What about you?// T

I went into my room turning on my computer and signing into MSN.

Would I be coming on too strong if I asked him to go on MSN earlier? But...he could be busy...

I hummed lightly, waiting for him to response me. If he would even asnwer me in fact. I waited few minutes before feeling my cellphone vibrating, then I looked at the screen, lifting one eyebrow.

'' Oh... '' I said before texting him back.

// I'm 20 since few weeks lol // Bill.

I pressed the 'send' button and rubbed my neck, sitting up to take my notes books, writting few things in it. Since 4 years I was writting down some ideas about songs. I loved to sing; it was my hoobie. Smiling still writting I nibbled at my pen, thinking about what to write more. It was kinda hard as I was trying to ignore Tom who was stuck in my head. Chuckling lightly I kept eating the tip of the pen, humming happily. He was talking to me... I chuckled again, smiling.

I swung around on my chair waiting for him to text me back. My cellphone beeped and read the message.

Woah...He's 20?

I looked at the phone before texting him back. I didn't think he was older than me... I bit my lip a little and bounced my knee. Well he's not gay so maybe I could ask him if he had some younger friends. Though I have gone out with older girls and younger girls....

Hmmm...

I finally clicked the button to reply to the message.

//Oh cool...I'll be 19 in a few days...=) Em, i'm not busy right now if you want to go on MSN? But if you're busy it's ok...// T

I closed the phone and nibbled on my lips. I grabbed my guitar and played a few chords. I hummed along to the music thinking about Bill.

As I was still nibbling at the pen, I felt my cellphone vibrating again on my laps and grabbed it, now bitting my lips.

' More young than me? ' I thought as I was trying to find something to reply.

He was asking me to go online on msn now? I gave a peek at the computer, placing away the notes book.

// Well it mean I'm a big boy =) And yeah I think I could... lol // Bill.

I massaged my neck, sending the texto before pulling off my t-shirt and my pants, running over my drawer to put on a tank-top and pyjama's pants to get more comfortable, then sat on my bed with the laptop on me, logging in msn.

____________

xo-Niah'ko-ox (online)


I stared at the screen nervously, thinking about what was his msn and tipped it in the little box.

As I strummed my guitar my cellphone vibrated on the counter. I picked it up and read the message.

Big boy...? He thinks I'm a child now...great...

I sent him a short reply because he was signing into MSN.

//See you online =P// T

I was feeling hot so I closed the phone and took off my t-shirt turning to the computer and grabbing my guitar again. I strummed the guitar signing along to the notes until a little noise played on the computer. A box flashed up asking to be friends with xo-Niah'ko-ox . I clicked 'ok' and his name turned green. I smiled and opened the box to talk to him.

Sixpackman says: Hi Bill

As I waited after adding him, I saw a box opening, wich was a conversation. I read what he had send me on my cellphone before looking at the screen, seeing he had talked to me. I nibbled at my lips and waited 5 minutes before answering, thinking about what to reply.


ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: Hi! How are you?

I closed the window and openned internet, going on some forums, looking at pictures in it. Talking to this straight dude was making me go really nervous! Maybe he was only a guy, plus more young than me, but it was scaring me to talk to him while I was hidding my sexual orientation. That wasn't fair, but if I wanted to be friend with him, I had to hid it or he would act like all the others ones. In fact, I never managed to find a guy that I liked who was gay... They were always little or weird.

I waited for him to reply while playing my guitar. I waited for about 5 minutes with no answer.

Why did he add me if he wasn't going to talk to me?

After a few minutes the screen beeped.

He asked how I was...

I seemed we were stuck in a bit of a round about conversation. It wasn't really going anywhere. Maybe I should just get on with it and just ask him? It would get of out of this awkward talking.

Sixpackman says:Hey I hope this isn't too abrupt or anything but, I know you said today that you weren't gay but I was wondering do you have like some gay friends?

I looked back at the screen when it beeped, seeing it was Tom's conversation box. He asked me about my friends, if they were gay. I stared for a moment at the screen, playing with my fingers.

' What could I reply at this? ' I thought.

I nibbled again at my lips as I started to write to him back.

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: Well yes... I have 2 gay friends, why?

I send it the message and wriggles uncomfortably on my bed, nervous about what he would say back at this. What if he hated homosexuals? He could say me means things and I'll have to block him. I sighed, writting down in my book again as I was waiting.

' He's gonna say it's disguisting... ' I thought, grunting lightly.

I sent the message and sighed. Well even if he wasn't gay he might have some friends. I bit my lips and strummed on my guitar making just noise. I was nervous about what he was going to say. I was more nervous about what I was going to say.

Hey I'm gay can i hook up with some of your friends....

That sounds terrible. It will be like I was using him. I would have preferred if it was him. I didn't mind he was older, but he was nice. I didn't know his friends, they could be strange. If it turns out I can't get him I'll forget about this being bisexual. I can look, I just won't touch.

The computer beeped and I read the message.

2 gay friends... Well he obviously has no problem with gay people.

I wrote back to him trying to drop the hint about myself.

Sixpackman says: Are they looking for a boyfriend? lol...xP

I sent the message and gulped. That must have been way too strong. I put the guitar beside me too nervous to keep playing. I hope he doesn't freak out...

As I looked at his message, I openned my eyes wide. Was he joking about me? I hopped it wasn't that; bullying boys were enough for me. Many guys had annoyed me about my style, my face, my size... I sighed and tipped back at him.

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: Why? I mean one of my friend is my best, and he's gonna be in couple in few days... but my other friend is free

I sended it, raising my eyebrows. What was with the 'lol' though? I sighed and went downstairs to grab a cold glass of juice, feeling thirsty before going back upstairs, taking a sip of the liquid and sat back on my bed. Grabbing my camera from my desk, I took few pictures to put on my personnal blog. There wasn't that much people who where commenting, but I liked it still. Even if some persons were insulting me. I sighed for the second time and looked at the screen again.

I bounced my knee and chewed at my lip until I could taste blood. This was making me far too nervous. The screen beeped and I read the message.

Why...?

I had nothing to say without implicating myself. I thought for a few minutes and wrote a message.

Sixpackman says: Because I'm gay and I want to know...

I shook my head and deleted the message. That was way too forward. I bit my lip again looking around my room not knowing at all what to write.

I nodded my head and typed for a second time.

Sixpackman says: It's just I don't know many gay people and it's hard to find a relationship...

That was much better. I clicked the send button and picked up my guitar again. I tapped the front of it with my fingers then started strumming my favorite song, singing along with it while I waited.

At least the conversation was going somewhere now...

I saw he was writting something and nibbled at my lips nervously. Why was I so nervous though? He was just a random guy that I bumped in him 3 times! And he was abviously joking, right? I mean he couldn't like boys... right? I whined and played with my hair for few minutes, still waiting for Tom to answer my question.

' He say it's hard to find a relationship..? Wait...no way... ' I thought.

I gulped a little and started to write him back.

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: you mean that you're...?

I send him the message and moved my legs nervously, still sitting on my bed while looking at the screen. Was he just joking about me or what?? I nibbled at my lips again before taking a sip of juice, very thirsty right now.

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: Not that it's annoying me or anything; I have gay's friends but... you look straight?

I kept singing the song as I watched the screen for a new message. The sound dinged and I placed the guitar aside again to reply. I read the message.

Oh great, he's surprised, and probably disgusted. I mean I was just a stranger to him and now I'm telling him all these things about me...

I decided to log off and not bother him anymore. Just before I clicked the log off button he wrote another message.

I look straight?

Oh he thought because of how I dress...

Sixpackman says: Oh well, you see the thing is, I'm bisexual, I like all these big clothes and stuff but I like girls and guys...I just want to have a relationship with a guy now...

I sent the message and spun around in my chair. At least with that explanation he would understand a little better what was happening.

I bit my lip and sent him another message because I was feeling a little bit more confident.

Sixpackman says: lol...it's too bad you aren't gay

I was still drinking my juice as he asnwered me back at the question about his look. So he was bisexual? I nibbled at my lips again and started to write back something when another message came on my screen.

' ....what?? ' I thought.

He was saying that it was 'too bad that I wasn't gay'?? I flushed lightly as I started to write back at him, searching my words.

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: ...well okay I like guys...


...I deleted the sentance and placed my head in my hands, sighing. What could I say back to him?

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: Well I kinda lied to you abb

Ah shit! I had press n the 'enter' button.

ox-Niah'ko-xo says :: sorry!! I pressed on send by mistake! Well I mean I was a bit scared of how you could react cuz... well I like boys...


I hide my face in my hands before standing up beside my bed, walking in circle nervously.

I swirled around in my chair waiting for a reply. I watched the screen and saw him type but nothing posted. He must be as awkward as I was.

The screen beeped and I read the message. He lied..what? I was about to reply before another message popped up on the screen. I read the message finishing it with wide eyes and a huge smile.

He liked guys too!

I jumped up and did a little happy dance before calming down and replying to him again.

Sixpackman says: Really? That's great because...well...the reason I was being all weird when we bumped into each other today was because...

I sent the message because it wouldn't let me write anymore. I continued typing to finish the message.

Sixpackman says: I think you are really good looking

I sent the message and smiled widely at the screen.